This is such a simple thing but pleases me so much:

Concrete tracks for buses!

I love seeing the natural areas as we flow through the trees and hills.

Jetstar “starter” fare doesn’t include an extra carry-on, so I had to pay extra to fly from Cairns to Gold Coast last week.

Today I went to Jetstar kiosk to check in but couldn’t find my flight.

Turns out I’m flying with Virgin. And oh wow they allow my extra bag to fly free!

My feet feel hot 🥵🥵

Just three more hours until my boarding time.

Breakfast was extra delicious at Rydges today because according to the system, it was not included in the hotel booking for today even though the bookings were all done at the same time.

The woman knew I’ve been here for the past 2 days so she just said it’s okay to come in.

I think Gwiddy Beach is where Fred and I climbed up a few meters on a rock and found a fish that had been trapped in its own little pool of water. We saved it (hopefully!) and proudly let Ma and Dad know our good deed.

https://maps.app.goo.gl/9njBh8jPEGo69Xwg6

The beach was loaded with sponges when we were there in June 1985.

“I’m hungry,” I commented, not knowing I was thereby triggering Jess.

She had spent some time guiding me through a healing with each of my parents, ending with my performing a Ho’oponopono process for each of them.

Jess encouraged and supported me, saying the process helped to release my neediness of being a good boy.

“Yeah, I can be a bad boy,” I joked.

“You don’t have to be a good boy or a bad boy; you can just be Rob, the man.”

I didn’t explain it was just joking, knowing there’s a kernel of truth behind each joke. I can just be Rob.

(Goodness, the inner world has lots of nuance.)

She did her own processing after I went down to the dining area for the breakfast buffet. The maître d' bouncer guy was the same we had seen last week, who asked multiple times to confirm we don’t wear shoes. He finally softened after a while and just said to watch out for glass. Today he didn’t comment on my bare feet. For this I was thankful. I told him something like, “I’m checking in one of two people for our room,” to ensure Jess would be able to enter easily when she came down.

I enjoyed food, including fruits, coconut yogurt, hash browns, and baked beans and drinks (orange juice I mixed with pineapple juice).
I also enjoyed the music, including Total Eclipse of the Heart, which reminds me of singing with Sita in Thailand all those years ago. Near the end, I heard a woman behind me singing along as well. When I looked back, she smiled shyly and then explained, “it’s a classic.” I agreed.

Jess arrived after a while and shared what came up for her in her processing. I actively listened with curiosity and encouraging words.

We were having such a lovely time. At one point Jess suggested we could go to the beach for a dip and the come back to the hotel and practice full body orgasms. I jokingly mimicked throwing my bowl onto the table, fake excited “yay let’s go!”

She looked almost surprised and said, “I’m not done eating yet.”

I wondered how she could have taken me seriously.

We kept talking and eating happily, commenting on the food and activity around us.

At some point Jess was happily dancing and lip syncing to the song “Get Down On It.” Her dance moves included pointing down to her crotch for each “get down on it” in the lyrics. (There are many)

I was glad to get the message I’ve been seeking for a long time. I’ve been optimistic for sensual connection since New Year’s when she was feeling stressed by house sitting Dash and Dex. Through long distance life and her nomadic lifestyle it seems I’ve been trying to ‘get down on her’ for basically our entire relationship. Sex happens when it happens and I’m trying to be super patient.

Frustrated by the weeks, I said, “I’ve been trying to get down on it… " Without much thought I joked, “ya lying bitch 😉”

NEVER CRITICIZE A VIRGO

On the surface, they may find your critiques unnecessary. Remember, they are their own worst critics. They have already overanalyzed the outcome and concluded what needs to be done to correct it. Sometimes, however, this may not always be the case. Deeper introspection into their psyche reveals that they could also be feeling insecure. According to Cafe Astrology, “They get nervous when others look at their unfinished work, and they are quite protective of their methods of doing things.” Unless asked, do not give them any form of criticism. And if you do, prepare to see their not-so-friendly side.

Earlier today I fixed the 500 error https://github.com/thunderrabbit/Quick/issues/7

Jess and I had a nice walk and chill at the beach before her 6pm call with a home owner for whom she’ll be house sitting in March.

I just now added a link to my journal, currently using Hugo and visible at https://www.robnugen.com/journal/

Wow

1. I was inspired to take a double-dose (23 spooonfuls) after hearing we cannot have too much.
2. During the ceremony I felt plenty sick but didn’t seem to experience more healing than from a regular men’s group facilitation would have done.
3. I was sleeping while people in the circle were ringing a bell; I was woken up when it was my time to ring, but the bell was silent. I couldn’t understand why nor really ask. I finally realized it was to snuff out our candles, so I did that, then shook the bell again which caused wax to get on the floor. Jess yelled across the room “Robstoppit” or at least “stoppit!” and it hit me like a ton of arrows and I just collapsed in my agonizing grief of not being understood.
4. Christof said something like “now Jess, he’s not coherent” before he and Alaya helped hold space for me directly while the group held space for us.
5. After the next night, when I had approximately 1/80th the previous dose, I injured my finger while dancing, nearly passed out (so I lay down instead), then got up for more dancing and then properly passed out after we were invited to stand shoulder to shoulder in a circle.
6. I knew I was passing out, and started to sit down, and was fully unconscious by the time Babak caught me on my way down.
7. When I awoke 30 seconds later to see Christof I was so confused like “? what happened? oh yeah I passed out.”

Here’s the cleaned-up version with minimal edits, thanks to https://chatgpt.com/g/g-6781a6dec0a48191aaec9b8b243930c6-transcript-tuner/ :

The experience at The Root ceremony was wild and varied, with highs and lows!

Jess and several others had great results, including visions of dark past lives that they karmically cleared—basically by purging and performing ho’oponopono toward those they had wronged.

I thought it would be a good idea to take a double dose, but I just ended up with a tummy ache and was still incoherent during the first night’s closing ceremony (held around 7 a.m. the next morning).

Due to my incoherence, when my next-door mattress neighbor gave me a bell to ring during the closing ceremony, I couldn’t figure out how to ring it. For everyone else, it rang, but not for me! So confused! I looked inside and realized there wasn’t even a clapper inside it.

My other next-door mattress neighbor pointed toward my candle and said, “It’s to put out the candle.”

Ohhhh! So I extinguished the candle with the bell-shaped snuffer, getting molten wax on it in the process.

For some reason, I shook the snuffer again, dripping wax on the floor.

Due to my generally playful behavior, Jess (from across the room) thought I was mucking around and breaking the flow of the ceremony. She said, “Rob, stoppit!”

This hit me like an emotional spear, and I burst into gasping, sobbing tears.

The male facilitator said, “Jess, now, he’s incoherent,” and his wife, the co-facilitator, immediately came to my side to hold space for me.

Alaya comforted me, saying, “Just cry, you’re okay, let it out. Very good, yes, you’re okay, just cry it out,” and she held space beautifully.

Christof came over as well to hold space for me.

I said, “It will take me some time; you can continue,” but they were like, “No, we are all here for you. Take your time.”

And I cried even more, thinking, Omg, do I deserve such support?!

Alaya went over to Jess and explained what had happened from an energetic and emotional standpoint. Jess came over and apologized, saying she had no idea and was so sorry.

That was after the first ceremony, entitled “Death.”

The next night (the third night of the retreat), the ceremony was called “Rebirth.”

I consumed far less of the plant medicine—by my calculation, 1/48th of my previous night’s dosage.

I didn’t have any “visions” on either night, but I was relatively coherent on the rebirth morning—enough to do lots of happy, wild dancing…

During which I stubbed my left middle finger quite badly. It still hurts in the middle knuckle, but at least the bruising has subsided.

I lay down on my mattress until my dizziness wore off, carefully checked that it wasn’t broken, and then got back to dancing again—amidst cheers from the group (none of whom knew I had stubbed my finger).

Christof invited us to stop dancing and stand shoulder-to-shoulder in a circle. I was between Babak, the muscular doctor, and one of the co-facilitators (whose name I don’t recall at the moment, except that it was not Clayton).

Due to suddenly stopping dancing—after bruising the lights out of my finger—I felt myself passing out. I didn’t say anything, just started to sit down. Babak apparently caught me, but I was already unconscious.

I woke up maybe 10 seconds later with Christof crouched down. I might as well have been in deeeeeep sleep all night because I woke up so confused, saying, “What happened??” And then realizing, “Oh yeah, I passed out.”

They had me lie down on my mattress for safety.

I slept until breakfast, and many people checked in on me to see how I was doing. I basically felt loved by the group and humbled by my mind and body.

And those are the highlights of the retreat! Jess will definitely attend again at the next chance she gets. I’m 50/50. I definitely won’t try taking a double dose on the first night—or ever again!

Based on text messages sent to Soness 8 February 2025

The experience at The Root ceremony was vary wild.

Oh, I mean, wild and varied with highs and lows!

Jess and several others got great results, including visions of dark past lives that they karmically cleared (basically by purging and performing ho’oponopono toward those they had wronged)

I thought it would be a good idea to take a double dose, but I just had a tummy ache and was still incoherent during the first night’s closing ceremony (held around 7am the next morning).

Due to my incoherence, when my next door mattress person gave me a bell to ring during the closing ceremony, I couldn’t figure out how to ring it.

For everyone else, it rang, but not for me!! So confused! I looked inside the bell, and found there wasn’t even a bell clapper inside it!

My other next door mattress person pointed toward my candle in front of me, “it’s to put out the candle”

Ohhhh! So i extinguished the candle with bell shaped candle snuffer, getting molten wax on it in the process.

Not sure why, but I shook the snuffer again which dripped wax on the floor.

Due to my generally playful behavior, Jess (from across the room) thought I was mucking around (and breaking the flow of the ceremony).

She goes “Rob, stoppit!”

This hit me like an emotional spear and burst me into gasping sobbing tears.

Christof, the male facilitator said “Jess, now, he’s incoherent” and his wife + co-facilitator Alaya immediately came to my side to hold space for me.

Alaya comforted me like “just cry, you’re okay, let it out, very good yes you’re okay, just cry it out” and held space beautifully for me.

Christof came over as well to hold space for me.

I said, “it will take me some time; you can continue,” but they were like, “no; we are all here for you, take your time”

And I cried even more, thinking omg do I deserve such support??!

Alaya went over to Jess and explained what had happened from an energetic and emotional standpoint. Jess came over and apologized to me, saying she had no idea and was so sorry etc.

In that moment, was still barely coherent so could hardly even look at her, much less “accept” her apology.

That was after the first ceremony, entitled “death”

The next night (the third night of the retreat), the ceremony was entitled “rebirth”

I consumed far less of the plant medicine (by my calculation, 1/48th of my previous night dosage).

I didn’t have any “visions” on either night, but I was relatively coherent on the rebirth morning. Enough to do lots of happy wild dancing….
during which I stubbed my left middle finger quite badly (enough that it still hurts in the middle knuckle, but at least the bruising has subsided.)

I lay down on my mattress until my finger-stubbing dizziness wore off, carefully checked that it wasn’t broken, and then got back to dancing again amidst cheers from the group (none of whom knew I stubbed my finger).

Christof invited us to stop dancing and stand shoulder-to-shoulder in a circle. I was between Babak the muscular doctor and one of the co-facilitators (whose name I don’t recall at the moment except it was not Clayton).

Due to suddenly stopping dancing (after bruising the lights out of my finger) I could feel myself passing out; I didn’t say anything but just started to sit down. Babak apparently caught me, but I was already unconscious.

I woke up maybe 10 seconds later with Christof crouched down beside me. I might as well have been in deeeeeep sleep all night because I woke up so confused saying “what happened??” And then realizing “oh yeah I passed out”

They had me lay down on my mattress for safety.

I slept until breakfast and many people checked in on me to see how I was doing. I basically felt loved by the group and humbled by my mind+body.

And those are highlights of the retreat!

Jess will definitely attend again at the next chance she can with them. I’m like 50/50. I definitely won’t try to take a double dose on the first night (or ever again)!