I find I often tiptoe around her.

She was angry that I forgot the keys, and that I said “I don’t know” [where the camp is], even though it’s accurate that I don’t know because I’ll get a ride from someone. I literally don’t have a license and I can look up the location but she thinks I’m not taking responsibility because I didn’t memorize the location. She has a great memory and she thinks my poor memory is a form of self sabotage.

I held space for her anger then and while we went to the beach with Glenn (with whom we had previously scheduled an outing) after which I bought us all lunch at Manna’s Whole Foods, though I myself felt so angry and couldn’t or wouldn’t process it while fearing Jess was still angry but just hiding it while we were with my friend.

As per our plan, Glenn kindly dropped Jess off at a women’s circle and then took me home, where I cried and cried, doing Ho’opponopono toward Jess: “I’m sorry I don’t know how to handle your anger.”

I slept a bit and then had to get ready for a meeting before the weekend retreat, which I did and then it got pushed back an hour during which I could have walked Milo but I forgot and then the meeting happened and Jess got home feeling great, but then had a bad experience while walking Milo as she was approached by someone who seemed shady and the night was getting dark and scary for her.

My meeting finished and then Jess told me the story of walking Milo which sounded scary and terrible and I felt bad. But I just kept holding space for her because I could see she was angry again.

I turned my chair 90 degrees to face her though she didn’t move her chair from facing the counter where we had both been working.

I held space for her with compassion as she shared her frustration with me.

We were basically talking about how to wind down our relationship; we have two more events to run and then a clean breaking point as I’m going back to Japan.

She won’t have to deal with me and I won’t have to deal with her anger.

She asked me point blank if there’s anything that I want to change about myself.

It was a critical juncture and I knew I had to give the right answer, which I also knew wasn’t the answer that her ego brain was looking for.

I softened my heart and listened for the answers, sharing them as they arose:

“Love myself more. Forgive myself.”

“Anything else?”

“Before I answer more, I’d like to ask you the same thing. I’m not the only one on the hot seat here.”

“I know that. I need to fix my anger and my rigidity.”

Fair enough. I continued with my list:

“Not fearing anger, not fearing your anger.”

I waited for her to fill in a few from her side but she didn’t so I continued.

“Asking for support, praying more…”

I paused, then continued into her silence.

“You fell in love with my heart and here it is.”

Somehow that seemed to open something up. Jess cried and acknowledged she has been so critical of herself. It was a huge positive shift I hadn’t seen before.

I pet Milo as Jess held space for herself and her inner child. I witnessed her speaking light language for herself and releasing soul contracts from previous lifetimes.

She apologized to me in Ho’opponopono style for being critical of me and my behavior.

I forgave her and apologized in the same style for not walking Milo but also acknowledging the blessings that had arisen just now because I didn’t walk Milo.

Jess acknowledged the positive qualities she sees in me, including my attentiveness, which often draws her ire because I’m attentive to different things than she.

Jess held space for me to express anything I need to express. I told her how Jeremy had just recently held space for me and invited me to energetically hold space for Jess in the story that has enmeshed me on Friday (two days ago). This technique of viewing ‘the other’ with compassion helped me then, again earlier today, and just now with Jess.

I’m grateful for Jeremy, grateful I used the technique, grateful I remembered it, and grateful I was able to use it while feeling 😤 with Jess.

There’s more, but I’m tired. Basically we hugged and kissed and felt hope for our future. We make a good team.