If you want to be emailed these types of writings as I write them, email me at rob@robnugen.com

1 November 2003

Hello Everybody

--------
Overview

What an amazing past few weeks.  Nearly a month of scattered thoughts in my brain
(should I stay or should I go?), and yet more lofts and dips in the
rollercoastering emotions of my life.

All of this mental activity surrounds the six month mark of my stay in Japan.  
The original first paragraph of this email was written right at the six month
mark:

               I have made it six months in Japan!  It's rare for me to get lost
               beyond comprehension on the trains.  I get lost as in "I've never
               been here before," but I can generally work out how to get where
               I want to go.  Getting lost on the trains used to be my compulsion;
               I'm really happy to have gotten over that.

I was in a world of happy thoughts, having worked at Nova six months meant I was
eligible for vacation.  And that meant I was taking a vacation with janette. 
About Nova I wrote:

               Working at Nova has simultaneously gotten easier and less
               fulfilling for me.   I want to actually really help the students;
               often I think the best way to do that is by not using the Nova
               materials, which I and many students dislike.   I've begun telling
               students to make a fuss about the text if they don't like it.
               (This is only for higher level students who can understand what
               I'm talking about, of course.)  Japanese seem unwilling to make a
               fuss over anything.  That's part of their culture it seems.  Frank
               (my loudmouth ex-roommate) would tell them, "break the rules."
               I'm not quite so overt, but they would never actually break the
               rules, so it doesn't actually matter.
               (Yes, these are generalizations.)

I wrote that with a huge unwieldy idea in my mind.  I wanted to change the face of
Japanese culture.

I had a Big Idea in my head of saving Japanese from their own culture by getting
Japanese people to express themselves and then actually *talk* to each other about
what is wrong with their country (*). I have talked to some of my students about
it, and they seem to think such a dialogue would be a good thing.  I have heard,
"please save Japan," from a student (in a group of three) when I suggested the
idea of bringing a technique for dialogue to Japan.

(*) Reads _Dogs and Demons_ for details

From 1997 to 2002, I was an active member of The Mankind Project
(http://www.mkp.org).   This organization helped me learn and honor my inner
(mental, emotional, spiritual) workings and taught me how to live in integrity
with myself and with others.

I imagined that if I could bring this concept to Japan, make these Japanese open
up their inner emotions, then that could start a dialogue that would allow
correction of the culture.  Keep it from imploding and falling to pieces.

In the back of my head I knew that I don't know enough about the culture yet to be
an angel of light and magically bring positive change across the culture.

As I write this now, I recognize several of the assumptions I have made about the
culture and value judgements I've made about what is good and what is bad in this
world.

As a result, I'm aware that I might not affect profound changes in Japan.  And
that's okay.   But then I come back to the question "what am I doing here?"

As I re-read the above text, I can hardly follow my own thoughts.  Either it's a
poorly written mess, or my brain is a mess, or a combination of both.

-------------------
Contacting students

Three weeks ago, I wrote this:

               Against Nova's policies, I have met some Nova students outside
               of school/work.  I assume the policy is designed to keep teachers
               from taking students (read money) from Nova.  After talking to
               more seasoned teachers, I believe I won't be fired for seeing
               students unless it "causes a scene" at Nova.  (So I'm careful
               not to date any students; all of them know I have a girlfriend.)
               In the past several weeks, I have given my email address and/or
               website address to students who seem interested in my idea of
               bringing the New Warrior Training (http://www.mkp.org) to Japan.
               I only bring it up during general conversation lessons with higher
               level students who have grown bored with the Nova text.  If they
               are like, "hey that sounds like a good idea," I might give them
               a way to contact me.

Soon after I wrote that, I got an email from a man who I've never met.  He said
that a student saw my website and was upset by some of the content in my journal. 
I wondered if this would come back and bite me in the butt.  When I got back to
work after vacation I was basically told "do not give your website or contact
information to students."  Okay.

I haven't hung out with any students lately, but that's just due to scheduling and
being busy.

--------
Vacation

http://www.robnugen.com/images/travel/japan2003-2004/005_janette-trip/index.shtml

Vacation with janette was fantastic.

We hung out in some of my Japanese hangouts; I showed her my train line and the
fashion-filled crowds of Shibuya, the large train station at the Tokyo end of my
train line.  We spent some days visiting areas outside of Tokyo:  Hiroshima, Kyoto
and Nara.

The atomic bomb dome and museum of Hiroshima haunts the soul and pleads for peace.
I didn't notice any blaming nor inflamitory language, but I found it difficult to
walk around proudly as an American, especially at first.  One thing that helped me
feel better: many school age and junior high and high school students seemed to
walk around in the museum with total disregard for their surroundings.  The senior
high students were mostly respectful, but the elementary kids were just wild. 
This helped me relax a bit; no one was LOOKING AT ME; it was just a museum with
weird things to look at.    I wrote a postcard to President Bush asking him to
visit Hiroshima instead of not signing the anti-nuclear treaty.

We were in Hiroshima for only one night, and then we took a shinkansen (bullet
train) to Kyoto, one of the former capitals of Japan.  Kyoto is often described as
preserving "traditional Japan," but really it's just a large Japanese city built
on a grid with a lot of shrines and temples around the perimeter and hiding in the
midst of the chaotic city.  Janette and I visited Ginkakuji and Kyomizu temples,
and randomly discovered Yoshida shrine on a hill near Kyoto University.

We discovered a sushi bar and had a great time working to communicate with the two
women working there.  As the only two customers, we had nearly the full attention
of both women.  They offered different types of sushi, and we basically said yes
to every one.  Eight types of sushi in all.  I wish I had written down the names
of each type.. I can only remember that we had shrimp and scallops and raw tuna
("maguro").  Raw tuna nearly dissolves in my mouth.  Mmmmmm.  What an incredible
experience.

Visited Iwatayama area the next day because a monkey was on the map near there. 
"I wanna see some monkeys."  No monkeys were to be found, and I must give kudos to
the man at the entrance of the monkey trail.  "Sumimasen.  Today no monkey."  He
coulda charged us five bucks each and let us find out for ourselves.  I appreciate
his integrity.

The surrounding area was quite beautiful even so.  Thick underbrush and tall trees
climbed the hill immediately on our left, and little bamboo roofs covered various
merchants along the river on our right.  Other couples walked along the paved
trail at various intervals.  If not for them, I would have breached the fence and
tried climbing the steep hill.  It looked rather dangerous with fallen rocks
attempting to pile up and over the fence keeping them at bay, but could have been
a lot of fun.

-------------
Breaking News

It's been at least a week since I've written/editted the above.  My thoughts
change with each day; moodswings and such keep me wondering how I could possibly
want to leave and how I could possibly want to stay.

Yesterday, on the day I planned to visit Hakkeijima Sea Paradise, it rained.  
Today it's sunny (even warm) (and I'm wearing a long sleeved shirt cause it was
cold yesterday).  The two weeks before yesterday it was sunny (not counting my
previous weekend, when it rained).  This seems to epitomize my experience in Japan
lately.

After some consideration during the day today, I'm likely to go home near the end
of this year.  That will give me enough time to do some of the things I want to do
here, and not make it unbearably forever until I leave.  Plus, Janette might come
around that time and I can just go home with her.

---------------------
Things to Do in Japan

* Visit Yomiuriland  (take super hi-res pics of the coasters)
* Visit Nikko                    (scheduled for mid November)
* Visit the haunted house in Fuji-Q Highland    (hi-res pics)
* Recognize that I'm still just a big kid at heart

----------------------
Contacting Students II

Two days ago I traded email addresses with a student who also loves roller
coasters.  We may go visit a park sometime.

----------
Kim Sawyer

I have *just* talked to my personal coach Kim Sawyer.  He listened to my situation
and helped me get an overview perspective on it, and helped me see some small
steps I can make to move me toward the direction I think I want to go.

----------------
Overview Part II

I have a big physical-connection-need that is not being met.  Hugs are not
plentiful in Japan.

I'd like to be paid to ride rollercoasters.  Kim suggested some ways I can work
toward that without giving anything up or risking anything important.

Knowing how my Aries nature likes to start projects but not finish them, we'll see
what happens.



       With Love
       - Rob